


Tumbled into his heart (and stung like knives)

by Id_flyifihad_wings



Series: Prompts, Drabbles, and 5-Min Writings (Plus Other Things) [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken, Castiel Whump, Dark, Dean’s Big Mouth, Depression, Episode 3, Gen, Heartbreak, Loss, Loss of Identity, Loss of Trust, Sad Castiel, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Upset Cas, Why do I do this to myself, cruel words, episode coda, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Id_flyifihad_wings/pseuds/Id_flyifihad_wings
Summary: Season 15 Episode 3 Coda“Yeah, why’s that something always seem to be you?”Dean’s harsh words are a bitter reality shock for Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Prompts, Drabbles, and 5-Min Writings (Plus Other Things) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/355121
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	Tumbled into his heart (and stung like knives)

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched this episode and HAD to write this because I sobbed. What Dean said broke me and it hit too close to home for comfort.
> 
> So I projected my feeling onto Cas.  
> Enjoy(?)
> 
> (I’m on tumblr now! Username is idflyifihadwings so give me a follow if you’d like)

Cas stared at the man before him in shock, in utter silence as the words tumbled into his heart and stung like knives. 

  
So, he said goodbye. “You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.” They would be better off without him, anyway. Did they ever really need him to begin with? The world would be fine without him. He could leave now, and never return.

And he turned without another word, anger and betrayal in his mind. It was a new low, even for Dean. To say something so callous and so cruel, knowing it would cut in all the wrong places. The man didn’t even try to stop him as he climbed the stairs to his freedom. He just sat on the table with his brooding, probably not even worried. He probably figured Cas would come running back soon enough.

But he would not be returning. Not after what Dean had said. Not after that trust had been shattered. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to turn back around and beat the man senseless, but that would solve nothing.

Even as the words tumbled into his heart and stung like knives, Cas kept walking. He refused to turn back, that would be a weakness. And he was damn sick of being weak.

He had never been the same after Naomi’s doing, but he hadn’t expected it to come to this. With his best friend, the man he loved, telling him something so brutal. He refused to go back to the abuse. He was done.

Dean had brushed him off multiple times over the last few days, and Cas was done. He had had enough.

The plan had changed. Something went wrong; something _always_ goes wrong. But he wasn’t the problem. The problem was with Dean. After spending so long being blinded by his love for the man, it was a startling revelation. _Dean_ was the problem. Because he no longer trusted Castiel with his life like he had before. He barely trusted Cas enough to look at him anymore.

While the words tumbled into his heart and stung like knives, Cas kept a straight face as he walked purposely away from that god forsaken bunker. He had had enough. Staying was a weakness, he relied too heavily on Sam and Dean. And Cas was _damn sick_ of being _weak_.

He was an angel of the lord! A celestial wavelength of intent! Not a serving boy. He was not a slave. And he was certainly not hoping that Dean would chase after him, stop him from leaving, apologize for the heartless words and beg Cas to come back.

But of course, that didn’t happen. That would never happen. Because Dean was the problem, and the man was unaware of that. He was too damn prideful to ever do something like that. And Cas wasn’t worth that.

Belphegor has been right. Cas had learned his lesson the hard way. The Winchesters were just using him, and he had welcomingly mistaken it for caring. What a fool he had been. What a fool. He should have just stayed in Purgatory. He should have _never_ come back. Why was he ever there? He had no use.

So, as the words tumbled into his heart and stung like knives, Cas fought back tears as he finally flapped his wings and took off. Anything to get away from that. Anything to hide his tears.

When he landed, he collapsed to his knees and broke. Everything was true. Ambriel had been right to call him expendable. Amara was correct when she claimed he wasn’t even worth the effort, to call him weak and useless. And the demons, he had always denied being the Winchester’s pet, but even they were right. They had used him, and Castiel was the last to know.

He swiped at the foreign tears but nothing could stop them. He was so broken, so utterly devastated that he wasn’t even sure what to move on to. His life had been Sam and Dean. And now? He had nothing and he _was_ nothing. The words tumbled into his heart and stung like knives, and Cas realized how deep heartbreak could truly cut.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and kudos if you liked it!


End file.
